Voice Within Reach

This afternoon, Quinn and I ran errands. We went to see our friends at UBake, we went to the mall for melatonin, we bought Quinn’s new shoes, and we went to dinner together. A nice little afternoon. On our way out of the mall, the Easter Bunny walked out of the photo studio at JCPenney. Of course, EB waved to Quinn, as we were headed that way. And Quinn ever so gently walked over and gave EB a gentle hug. Quinn gave EB a couple of hugs – EB was in no hurry. Quinn tried to gently peek under the mask, and EB didn’t freak out. After a final hug, waves good bye, and the blowing of kisses, we headed to the car and dinner, and EB headed wherever EB was going.

But the whole experience got me to thinking, especially during dinner. We went to a restaurant known for catering to children. I ordered Quinn’s burger with NO cheese, NO bun, and NO condiments. This seldom fails to stop the cashier dead in their tracks (Don’t believe me? Try it!). In fact, at one of the local locations for this franchise the cashier flat out laughed at my request. When our food came, Quinn’s burger came with a bun. So I politely refused it and repeated the request. Apparently the cashier didn’t input it right. While we were waiting for Quinn’s corrected order, I noticed a senior couple come in and place their order. The cashier spent more time clarifying how they wanted their “senior coffee” than they did Quinn’s burger. Since they also got my order wrong, I hope they at least got those senior coffees right.

Stay with me – this is where things get a little discombobulated, but I SWEAR it all ties together.

I carry in my purse a business card holder filled with what I call “K.M.A. Cards.” The cards explain that my child’s behavior is not because he is a spoiled brat or because as a parent, I cannot control my child. They explain a little about autism. In my mind, they say, this is who we are and this is why and if you don’t like it, you can Kiss My A&%. Over the last almost four years, I have only had the desire to drop one on someone’s table as I headed toward the door twice. Unfortunately, I’d cleaned out my purse and forgotten to put them back in both times.

Here’s where it kind of all comes together: the most recent time I wanted to whip a K.M.A. card onto someone’s table was at that famous catering-to-children franchise that somehow now has “senior coffee.” Let me make one point clear: I am not an ageist. I don’t dislike older people. People of any age can be ignorant. But I was at a restaurant that directs a great deal of marketing toward children and families with children. So that particular day, while we were sitting there enjoying our meal, Quinn started swinging his feet under the bench seat. A little self-stimulatory behavior never hurt anyone, right? He didn’t kick anyone. He wasn’t making an outrageous amount of noise. But a comment was made about his behavior, and I promise you, it was hard for me to keep my butt glued to my seat and my mouth shut. When we left, yes, I did make a point of giving them a look that couldn’t have been very nice.

Here’s one reason why Autism Awareness Month is important to me: When Quinn was diagnosed FOUR YEARS ago, the rate of autism occurrence was 1 in 150 children. Since then it has dropped. At one point, I heard a statistic of 1 in 110 children. I could swear I have heard lately that now it is 1 in 90something. AUTISM ISN’T GOING AWAY. People who somehow don’t have a family member with autism or don’t know anyone with autism need to have information given to them on what autism is and how it appears when people who are on the spectrum are (gasp) in public. Because, guess what, folks, I’M NOT KEEPING MY SON SHUT UP IN MY HOUSE BECAUSE THERE ARE RUDE, IGNORANT PEOPLE OUT THERE. Rude, insensitive, ignorant comments HURT – obviously, because not only do I remember this, but it still hurts to think about.

I love my son. I just wish the whole world were informed and sensitive enough to be as accepting of him as the Easter Bunny was – taking the time to let Quinn be Quinn – to enjoy the feel of the furry costume on his cheek, to take hug after hug, to wave and blow kisses. I’m sure that that Bunny had somewhere else to be today, but I was extremely touched watching the experience. And I had no desire to reach into my purse for a K.M.A. card.